Tag Archives: inertia

Catastrophe Magnet

23 Apr

What a trash
To annihilate each decade

–  from ‘Lady Lazarus’ by Sylvia Plath

At midnight, in the park near Croxton station, while it was raining and huge bats were gliding above our heads and screeching in the trees, Audrey and I hung out and talked for hours the way silly teenage girls do – mixing up everything into a sort of mutual confessional with a hope for some sort of validation or understanding. Boys, travels, school, friendships, regrets, love, hate, family, skeletons in the proverbial closet, people who untag themselves from photos on facebook out of spite, how not being racist in conversation can make you appear even more racially preoccupied than someone who is overtly racist, grandmas, mean teachers, people with no personality, and the fact that in Buenos Aires, you can have ice cream delivered.

It was nice. I think we both needed it tonight.

But after everything, I was left with a question that totally destroyed any attempt at sleep. The concept of ‘sorting things out’… what if there are some people who never get things sorted out? As much as they long for a calm, comfortable, contented feeling of “everything is okay”, will some people just never get it?

A lot of not so great things have happened recently. A lot of them are still happening. However, things were looking up. Dad called from London and said he and Linda would be back in Melbourne on Saturday afternoon. Which means that Nath can come get me and all my stuff, and I can move back home. Which means things even basic sources of happiness like being able to sleep at night (Stuart and his quasi-girlfriend are practically nocturnal and have no understanding of ‘inside voices’ or the idea of not yelling at each other right outside someone’s bedroom door at 4am), eat properly (rather than living on iced tea, Le Snaks and nutella) and actually have a desk to study on. Getting to see my boyfriend and my puppy are perks too, definitely!

So, in that regard, two big things that have made me a bit miserable are finally being alleviated. I’m not quite sure then why the universe has decided to get me back for daring to feel optimistic about things.

  1. Nathan has been enlisted to stage manage an amateur musical, which is a relatively huge commitment. Which means that all this finally-actually-getting-to-see-each-other time I had been looking forward to is suddenly pushed forward a few weeks. He’s already a major grouch at the best of times (unless he’s on holidays), but the sudden extra lack of Nath-time and sleep is likely to make him pretty unpleasant for the hour or so I might get to see him on any given day. Minor annoyance/frustration/disappointment in the scheme of things, but it just stings a bit after being apart for long to realize that what we have looked forward to is still weeks away.
  2. But this one is the worst, and it’s not even happening to me. Something is majorly wrong with my Mum’s back. I have no idea what it is; neither does she yet, but it’s bad. The plan (my plan, rather) so far involves me going to her house, looking after her and my little brother and sister (who are actually not so little, but neither can cook, therefore are nutritionally helpless) so she can stop with the martyrdom, accept help and admit that she needs to rest and heal.

Once again it is proved – I am the catastrophe magnet. It’s probably not particularly rational to hold a hope that things will get ‘sorted’ or everything will one day feel alright; maybe my tolerance for disaster will just rise. Maybe. Right now, I just hope that all goes to plan for Dad and Linda and they arrive home on Saturday. I hope that production week runs smoothly enough so that Nathan gets out theatre at a halfway decent time. And I really, really hope that my Mum will be okay..

xx Bunny

PS: I spotted a pair of rainbow lorikeets eating fruit from a tree down the street today – lovely, unexpected and an incredibly welcome sight amongst all the doom and gloom going on.

PPS: Yes, it is 7am. Yes, I did stay up all night fretting and feeling miserable and powerless. Blergh. But I promise, next post, I will snap out of this malaise. Even though there are frustratingly time-consuming commitments and horribly painful back injuries, there are also rainbow lorikeets and fairy bread in the world..

Everybody does it..

4 Apr

But hey – I smile, I dance, I write embarrassing blog posts and I make waffles. Isn’t that exactly what you want in a drunk girl? I could have cried, vomited and told everybody how much the world doesn’t understand me. My alternative was much more fun and tasty.

Dinner table discussion last night – somebody said that they definitely wouldn’t let their husband go to see a film with his friends of the same sex, especially if they were single friends, because “there is no reason for it”. My mind was blown, and then I felt sad; how can someone think this way, actually say it out loud and it still doesn’t occur to them that they are being completely unreasonable?

Bad news – turns out Varg is a total Nazi and white supremacist. Yeah. Good news – I found my camera. Not the Canon EOS500D I’ve been lusting after, but my little point-and-click – so nothing fancy, but photos will be forthcoming. Yay.

xx B.

I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE SOME ART NOW PLZ

30 Mar

I don’t know, maybe not.

There is always this struggle; I feel little vibrations in me that feel like they are gathering resources and heading for my hands, wanting to come out somehow, yet my mind always kicks into overdrive with this “what medium? themes? so-and-so is already doing that right now. you don’t have any space here, or resources” rubbish. Then I feel guilty for wanting to create something that isn’t on my to-do list.

Ash Print by Betsy Walton

I found out last night that despite any idea I had about being unique or whatever, I can be summed up by a well-established cinematic trope – the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. It explains a lot, and honestly, I am a little annoyed that I am that predictable that there is an entire host of stock characters just like me.

So anyway -trying, without success, to formulate a plan of action for today. Audrey turned me on to the dangeresque combination of crepes, nutella and frozen berries – now I really, really, really want some. But it involves going to the store… and it is raining… hmmm. Or I could just lay in bed listening to Suzanne’s 8tracks and reading Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

Bah. Grey day. Ignore me.. and watch this instead.

xx